Gaurav's Page

The Game's Over!

2006-11-19T02:26:00.000-08:00

The Big Day finally arrived and went by. The Gam's Over!
The big question, Who's won?
Frankly speaking, I don't know yet...still keeping my fingers crossed.

Where am I headed?

2006-11-15T21:18:00.000-08:00

I don't know where am I headed,
these few days are the most dreaded.
Not because they are not nice,
just because I am not wise.
I know how much these mean to my life,
because life is not a strife
and utilizing them would give me a wonderful life.

www.gauravkumarmalik.info

What's my attitude today?

2006-11-13T21:09:00.000-08:00

Heading for life...

http://www.gauravkumarmalik.info

What's my attitude today?

2006-11-09T05:43:00.000-08:00

The only cure for grief is action. -- George Henry Lewes

www.gauravkumarmalik.info

What's my attitude today?

2006-11-06T03:54:00.000-08:00

If you suffer, thank God! -- it is a sure sign that you are alive. --Elbert Hubbard

http://www.gauravkumarmalik.info

The countdown has begun...

2006-11-04T06:52:00.000-08:00

My holidays have started so has the countdown to CAT. I wonder what's in store. The preparation is somewhat good, just keeping my fingers crossed for the D-day.

http://www.gauravkumarmalik.info

What's my attitude today?

2006-10-29T06:43:00.000-08:00

I'll miss life...
as it could have been!!!

What are we searching for?

2006-10-29T06:41:00.000-08:00

What am I searching for? This question pops up now and again and I got to look for answers.

In terms of spiritual awareness, Kabir used to say that an individual need not wander around in search of God, God actually resides within an individual. It's just about how the individual discovers that. Her the musk deer could be used to metaphorically represent an individual, who wonders to find the source of the musk which actually resides within it's navel. Similarly, God resides within an individual but we just keep on searching and searching for what resides within us.

I want this, I want that, we keep on looking for unknown. If we know what we want, we can find it within us. We can achieve it all by ourselves.

New company launch...

2006-10-27T07:50:00.000-07:00

Yesterday our new company was launched...previously it was Flextronics Software Systems and now all of a sudden it's called ARICENT Meanwhile I launched (if I could call that so) my personal Web Pages (I dunno whether I should call it my website). It is located at http://www.gauravkumarmalik.info

I wonder what I should do first!

2006-10-22T06:37:00.000-07:00

There is a whole gamut of things that I need to do in life.
I need to study further...planning on this path at present.
My soulmates need me...I try to be there as far as I can be. I don't know if they understand but I try to give whatever I have.
People are suffering, I need to help...still few years to go before I get into this full scale, but I am trying to play whatever part I can at this point of time in my life.

Happy Diwali!

2006-10-21T06:04:00.000-07:00

Here's me wishing everybody a rocking and safe Diwali...May the festival of lights brighten up your life as it does to millions around the world :o)

What's my attitude today?

2006-10-21T01:15:00.000-07:00

"I don't suffer from insanity,
I enjoy every moment of it."

I am confused as to what should I do...

2006-10-21T01:10:00.000-07:00

Well, this person just wants to spoil their life. I feel like giving them a tight slap and make them follow the rational way. But the mindset that this person is carrying at this present moment doesn't permits me to do that. This person won't be able to understand what I want to convey. I guess I need to find some other way of conveying what is rational.

Awesome lyrics continued ...

2006-10-20T07:32:00.000-07:00

And here is the third one. This one's called Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol,

We'll do it all
Everything
On our own

We don't need
Anything
Or anyone

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, They're all I can see

I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Awesome lyrics continued ...

2006-10-20T07:28:00.000-07:00

Here goes the second one, it's called How to save a life by The Fray,

Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

How to save a life
How to save a life

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

How to save a life

Awesome lyrics

2006-10-20T07:17:00.000-07:00

Well I discovered these three songs, all of them have a mesmerizing effect on me. These are so amazing that I couldn't stop myself from posting the lyrics. Here goes the first one, it's called Lips of an angel by Hinder,

Honey why are you calling me so late
It's kinda hard to talk right now
Honey why are you crying is everything okay
I gotta whisper cause I can't be too loud
Well, my girl's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak
And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

It's funny that you're calling me tonight
And yes I've dreamt of you too
And does he know you're talking to me
Will it start a fight
No I don't think she has a clue
Well my girl's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak
And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak
And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel
(And I never wanna say goodbye)
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel
Honey why are you calling me so late

India in 2050

2006-10-16T17:47:00.000-07:00

"The major shift in economic power to emerging countries such as China and India should be grasped by those in established economies as an opportunity to boost trade rather than feared as an economic death knell."

The big question that still stands is that "Are we really progressing?" If we look at the overall situation in India, it is quite easy to observe that the metros are on the progress path whereas the rural areas are somewhat lagging behind. If three farmers on average are committing suicide daily in Vidarbha because of debt and other problems, if people in states like Orissa are dying because of starvation, can we say that India is developing?

Yes, we can! But it is a paradoxical development. The rich and poor divide is widening. The list of Indian millionaires in the Forbes list is increasing by the day and so is India's position in the Human Development Index (on the downside of course), where it lags behind 120 odd countries. The poor don't have access to the development that the metros are experiencing.

We've become capitalists, we just don't care about the disadvantaged. The people in power, and the people who have the say in decision making in the country just care for how to develop the already developed/developing areas. The areas which need the most attention are just being neglected. Surely, "India is shining" but only a part of it. The people who don't see the eyes of the media don't even know what "India Shining" means. For them seeing the development of their villages is just a distant dream.

If not the government, I think we surely can make a difference. We need to strive for the overall development of the country. I can visualize the day, when no soul would sleep starved, when no farmer looses his life to a moneylender, when we can call ourselves truly developed.

I won't let this happen

2006-10-07T00:23:00.000-07:00

Come what may, I won't let this happen. I know what happened and I'll make sure that I never have to say these lines to myself,
"Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness"

This is something really close to my heart...

2006-10-01T02:19:00.000-07:00

These are some lines from the first greeting cards that I received, really close to my heart;

It really doesn't
matter that we haven't
known each other
very long... What does
matter is that
I've been looking for
a friend
like you all my life

...Someone who will
accept me for what I am
and encourage me
to be even more... Someone
to rely on when
things go wrong, someone
to hold, to talk to...
You are that special friend
and I am so glad
you came into my life.
14th Sep. '06

Thanks A Lot

For every little thing that
you've done for
me, and supported me
and standing
by me all the time.
Thank You
15th Sep. '06

People don't realize what they say...

2006-09-22T09:00:00.000-07:00

People say what they want to, people say silly things, people say nice things, people say this, people say that, people say what they want to.

When we have control of our senses, we generally know the consequences of the things we say. We say things we believe in. But when we are out of our senses, we utter words which have consequences far fetched, words which we never believed in. In such situations the person whom these words are addressed to needs to understand that the words are actually not meant to be spoken but have made an appearance because the speaker is an imbalanced state of mind. Surely it feels bad but if we develop an understanding then it actually doesn't matter what the other person says. As Ashish put it "If the bigger picture is good, it's all well.

There is void!

2006-09-22T08:59:00.000-07:00

There is a void somewhere in there, inside me. I have so many people around me, so many nice people. I dunno why this feeling pops up again and again and haunts me.

Am I that bad?

2006-09-22T08:19:00.000-07:00

When I look at the past almost 2 years of my life in retrospect, I generally see that I've been or atleast I tried to live for and with the people around me. I've not been selfish, atleast not with people who are close to me.

I thought that I was doing good until I realized that there are people in this world who actually think of me otherwise. I can think of reasons as to why they actually think that ways, but it's not right of me to pin point the reasons until I hear it from them. But surely there are people in this world who carry hatred for me, and that reflects in their rude behavior for me. Yaar, I just went out to do good for them but still they think otherwise. Whatever!

They may think of me in whatever way, I am sure when they realize that they are wrong they would have another opinion. I still carry a positive outlook about that person, maybe because of all the nice things that I've heard.

It's my B'Day!

2006-09-21T08:04:00.000-07:00

17 Sep. '06 might seem to me, my 23rd B'Day. It was actually a lot more than that cause of some people who landed up at my place. It was an amazing day. Probably I have had better days in my life but not a B'Day, all Thanks to Googie who actually planned out the surprise.

Lemme see the others who were there; Mohit, Saurabh, Sukriti, Shivika, Dheeraj, Nikhil, Ashish and Garvit. So, that made up the 10 of us. We went to IHC, we went to Essex Farms, we had fun. Finally it was nice to see that everybody was really happy as to how things turned out to be. As they say Life is a mirage ;o)

That's my first card!

2006-09-20T16:43:00.000-07:00

The date said 14 Sep. '06. Just another ordinary day I would have thought. But there was somebody waiting to make it special all the way.

I was to get my first greeting card today. Well, it is hard to imagine that nobody ever gave me a card whatever be the occassion. I am what, 23 now and so many Birthday's, New Year's, Valentine Day's, etc. passed by but nobody actually gifted me a greeting card. It was one of the most heart warming moments of my life when Googie gave me a "Thanks!" card.

I couldn't stop the water rolling down my cheeks, it was all cause I was really happy :o) It didn't stop there, I was in for weekend full of surprises.

People do strange things!

2006-09-20T16:39:00.000-07:00

There is a whole variety of people in this world. People who are always there to get you, then there are people alive because it is illegal to shoot them and then there are ones who're always there by your side and there to help you in whatever situation you might be.
Well, it is this last category that I am talking about. Just a few days back, I noticed this with a person who was willing to help out people whom they'd never known. Sounds strange but is true.

Life is a mirage!

2006-08-15T01:04:00.000-07:00

What you get in life is a reflection of what you give to life. The statement may sound confusing to some but to generalize it, one can say that what you get back from the society is a function of what you give to the society.

It might seem that I am putting things very bluntly but it's true that if you're not ready to give to the society, you should not expect things back from the society. To further elaborate on this, if you're not helping in the upliftment of the needy they would remain so and if they get on the wrong track and hurt you, you yourself are the one to blame, nobody else.

The important thing here is that we should be working for the upliftment of these people rather than spoon feeding them and letting them be where they are. What they need is support and a little time from us.

Ten Paradoxical Commandments

2006-08-13T01:11:00.000-07:00

ANYWAY
People are unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered,
LOVE THEM ANYWAY
If you do good, people will accuse you of
selfish, ulterior motives,
DO GOOD ANYWAY
If you are successful,
you win false friends and true enemies,
SUCCEED ANYWAY
The good you do will be forgotten tomorrow,
DO GOOD ANYWAY
Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable,
BE HONEST AND FRANK ANYWAY
THINK BIG ANYWAY
FIGHT FOR A FEW UNDERDOGS ANYWAY
What you spent years building may be
destroyed overnight,
BUILD ANYWAY
People really need help
but may attack you if you help them,
HELP PEOPLE ANYWAY
Give the world the best you have
And you’ll get kicked in the teeth,
GIVE THE WORLD THE BEST YOU’VE GOT ANYWAY.

Is life really a compromise?

2006-08-02T07:22:00.000-07:00

People make decisions in life. Generally somebody has to compromise. There is a wonderful quote which says "My wife and I always compromise. I admit that I am wrong and she agrees with it.". This highlights that when there are two people involved and have different viewpoints, which humans are bound to have, someone has to compromise.

But arriving at a consensus doesn't always mean a compromise. It could be a change of thoughts which one may realize at a later stage. It's not like marriage where "Only one person is right and the other is the husband" ;o), it could be that both the people are correct.

It's been 6 months! Yippie!

2006-07-30T05:26:00.000-07:00

It's been more than a year, since I joined the IT industry and precisely 6 months since I joined FSS.

These 6 months have seen me change a lot. Life has been, as I call it sinuous a bit on the higher side though :o) and I am really happy for that. I've turned more into a people oriented person, though I was like this before but this time saw this aspect of mine become more concrete.

I discovered/proposed a whole new I, Me and Myself theory. Started writing the book also, but that seems to be lagging behind somewhere.

If you don't think too much about it, Life's Good!

"I am the verb 'to trust'!"

2006-07-21T06:55:00.000-07:00

I don't know how many people would agree to that, but I am sure that I have earned this much from life, that their should be atleast one person on this planet earth who would say that's true.

I don't know why?

2006-07-21T06:53:00.000-07:00

I don't know why but I carried my camera along with me to the office today. I am not sure what feeling engulfed me in the morning that made me do this. It is kind of strange, though it is a small thing but I have no explanations for it. And since I have no work today, so maybe that's the reason I am thinking about it.

A saying goes something like, "You love somebody because you love them, no reason is required for loving". So, I guess there are certain things in life which are beyond explanation or may be are better unexplained.

I noticed a new thing today!

2006-07-17T08:39:00.000-07:00

Everyday is different, but there are days when you notice stark changes in people. I don't whether the change I noticed is for good or not but certainly I felt it.

PC says about noticing things in life, "When everyday seems the same, it is because we have stopped noticing the good things that appear in our lives."

The World's Greatest Lie...

2006-07-15T02:34:00.000-07:00

PC says that the world's greatest lie is that "At a certain point in our lives, we lose control of what's happening to us, and our lives become controlled by fate."

Anybody thinking rationally would believe that but when a situation wherein one's life seems to be headed where it was never intended to go, one would say that fate is guiding it.

Fate is one thing, over which we have no control. So, when we see our lives guided by the unknown and not by ourselves we understand that fate is guiding us.

What really is this I, Me and Myself?

2006-07-09T08:04:00.000-07:00

If this turn out to be the last entry that I make into this blog, I thought I'll convey what I meant by this I, Me and Myself phrase that I used so often.

I have picked up this pic from the book that I was writing, which explains the concept in terms of a sphere (courtesy Mohit). I have divided the sphere into three shells which surround the CG/CM. The outermost shell is the 'I'. The next inner one being the 'Me' and the one covering the CG/CM is the 'Myself'. 'Myself' is the most possesive part of a human. The one for which the human can go to the extent of doing whatever humanely possible. This is the one which matters the most to the human. This is the one which he lives for and this is the one he cares for the most.

I have had only three people in that 'Myself' part apart from my family. I hope each of them knows that they are there and always would be.

Why do we live?

2006-07-09T07:37:00.000-07:00

"What do we live for, if not to make life less difficult for each other?" - George Eliot
Death is inevitable, and I don't fear it. But still I am not able to justify the purpose of life. And what is the point of life if your life matters to nobody.

I guess when we have purpose in life, we fear death, because we want to achieve the completion of that purpose. Until that purpose is complete we are not willing to accept the inevitability of death. But what if we don't have purpose in life or are not able to figure out the purpose of our life. I guess you don't fear anything then.

Do people live just because they have been blessed with life by God or do they have their own purpose. If they live to fulfill a purpose that they define their own, it's fine but if they life just because they've been sent here by God their life is not justified. They need to find purpose in life.

As I said!

2006-07-05T05:47:00.000-07:00

As I said, life has turned full circle since I left college. It's been more than a year now that I started working in the IT industry.

I was so skeptical as to what is going to happen that I had tears in my eyes the day I was to rejoin Xansa, that was 4th July 2005. All the people from college whom I had wanted to be with, all the good friends I made through those years in college were gone in a jiffy. All of them; Nitin, Rahul, Anirudh, Vivek, etc. Not even a single one of them was here in Delhi.

And then, all of a sudden I was standing at this unknown place having the number of just one person, and that was Mohit. I had taken his number on our first meeting two months back before this date. What next? I call him up and get a conformation that he is joining, that is the day when I called him up first (I remember he used to have an Idea connection then) and today whenever I am in trouble, I want to share anything, he is that list of three elite people in my life whom I would call up. Biharis didn't let me off even at Xansa. They've been an integral part of my life since school days and even at Xansa some people with the best attitude were undoubtedly Biharis, yes they are my very good friends. I made a few friends at Xansa; Sukriti, Supreet, Bijeta, Moumita, Mayank, Vibhor, Sona, Gajendra, etc. to name a few. Each of them are special in certain respect.

Come January, 2006 and I received an unexpected call from FSS. A call for an application I made in April 2005. Anyway, on Mohit's advice I went for the written exam and interviews and call it destiny or what you may, even when I knew nothing they selected me. Though I was earning more at Xansa, the temptation of working in systems programming lured me into joining FSS. I again cried before leaving Xansa. The moment I thought I had found the best people I could encounter in life, I was off for another journey. I could never imagine a day without Mohit and Sukriti, yet I ventured into a black hole (I knew nothing about what would happen).

My first day at FSS was even strange. It was not a place of comfort for employees (that was the impression I got during the first few days). The first day itself the whole batch of 80-90 people was made to stand outside the company premises for around 2 hours in a queue. The first few days were so bad for me, I used to ponder over this decision of mine of switching over to FSS and cry sitting alone here and there. I was so engulfed in my thoughts that I didn't even know who all were there in the batch. I still remember I only knew Anupam, Narendra and Rishabh. I used to keep talking to Mohit or Sukriti over the phone throughout the day, so Anupam started calling me a call centre executive. And then all of a sudden, two weeks after joining FSS, I met a few new people and things started changing. Life has never been the same again. Tanya took my number on the second day after we met. She took my number but now I keep bothering her ;o) Now she must be cursing that dreadful day when she took my number. But frankly speaking, she is also a part of that list of three people, I was talking about. Now, I can very comfortably say again that these Beharis have not let me off even here. Even now they are an integral part of my life. So, who were these new people? Tanya and Saurabh are the two Beharis in question and then there are Shivika, Nikhil and Garvit. The world is a nice place to be. So, in this nice place I found some other nice people too; Shubhashish, Ashish Dua, etc. and the list goes on.

It is not only this journey, which I have described above, that I went through the past year. The other part is my self transformation which actually started in February of 2005, when I went to Vaishno Devi with college friends. It is hard to put down this transformation in words but it would be quite evident to people who know me since the time in question. Certain things which held high prominence like my life, work, etc. have certainly dipped in priority and material things like money and stuff have actually lost significance. Friends and Family (seems like the title of a movie F&F) have the highest priority, and I mean that. Some people have problems with this attitude of mine and even I sometimes have a hard time explaining it. This change happened due to my journey through the last year. Partially due to the stuff I started to read. I was influenced a lot by Paulo Coelho's writings. They a very simple, you can infer whatever you want from them. I inferred a few things which changed my life forever. Then the CSR stuff that I took part in, the donations I make every month, these also contributed in a big way towards the change in me. Then there are people like Mohit and Tanya, who maybe knowingly or unknowingly have contributed in this transformation. Nitin's life had a strong influence over my thought process regarding material things in life. It is people that are important. Throughout life, you earn people and not money.

It's been a year! Yippie!

2006-07-04T02:39:00.000-07:00

I was just pondering over my thoughts of the past year and guess what I realised it's been a year since I started working. Officially I joined on Xansa on 29th April 2005 but took 2 months off for exams and then rejoined on 4th July 2005.
Suddenly a different kind of feeling has taken the frontseat, I feel like celebrating.
Life has taken a full circle through this year. It's changed head to toe. Things have changed greatly over this one year period. Priorities in life have changed, my attitude towards people and life in general has changed dramatically (my stay at Xansa mostly to be credited for this). I say credited because I feel that it is a welcome change.
But it's been a good journey.

We call ourselves civilized?

2006-07-01T21:43:00.000-07:00

Banning the entry of women into temples, is that the right thing to do. Is that the right thing to do, when we are living in a so called civilized world. I would say NO.

All the religions are controlled by Adams it seems and hence as they've always done, they still continue to blame Eve for tasting the forbidden fruit and ban her entry into the religional context.

Be it Christianity, where all the citizens of Vatican are men or be it Hinduism where entry into Sabrimala's Lord Aiyappa Temple is banned for women. For God's sake Lord Aiyappa would also have been born of a female's womb (I am sure he wasn't a test tube baby). I don't understand what purpose it serves by banning the entry of women into temples. If women are evil then so are the men who are born off them.

The quotations that have been used for women for all this time sound so ridiculous;
"Ah, women. They make the highs higher, and the lows more frequent." ~ Friedrich Nietzsche
"A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's because she changes it more often." ~Mark Twain
"Women are nothing but machines for producing children." ~ Napoléon Bonaparte
"You see, dear, it is not true that woman was made from man's rib; she was really made from his funny bone." ~ James Matthew Barrie

The attitude is reflected irrespective of the region or religion these people belong to. To me the lives of all these people seem pointless. If they can't understand the importance of the other sex, to hell with them.

Sometimes, the irony is that women support such people in the camouflage of supporting their religion, their family. These kinds of people are just ruining their and their further generation's future.

I might seem a feminist but I am just trying to put down the truth, nothing else.

People are priceless!

2006-06-30T20:24:00.000-07:00

They say people and the moments we spend with them are priceless. These cannot be bought, for everything else there's MasterCard.

For some people the things that matter are the ones that come with MasterCard, not the ones which are priceless. Maybe for them priceless is synonymuous to worthless. They are the ones I can't be with.

If something is priceless the care you take of it is nothing less than extra ordinary because you can't afford to loose it. I have scores of SMSs that put down the same thing in writing. Some of these say;
"In the canvas of £ife; We often go off-color....but as long as dear ones likeYöU are there to add the right shades, life goes on to be a RÄiÑBÖW!"
"What makes some people dearest is not just the happiness that we feel when we meet them but the emptiness we feel when they r not around us."
"The most selfish 1 letter 'I' Avoid it.
Most satisfactory 2 letters 'WE' Use it.
Most poisonous 3 letters 'EGO' Kill it.
Most used 4 letters 'LOVE' Value it.
Most pleasing5 letters 'SMILE' Keep it.
Fastest spreading 6 letters 'RUMOUR' Ignore it.
Hard working 7 letters 'SUCCESS' Achieve it.
Most enviable 8 letters 'JEALOUSY' Distance it.
Most essential 9 letters 'PRINCIPLE' have it.
Most divine 10 letters 'FRIENDSHIP' maintain it ...:-)"

These messages were sent to me by the same people who now ask me why I care for them. If these messages convey the same message that "People and the moments we spend with them are priceless" then why wouldn't I care for them. It could be that they sent these messages just for the sake of sending them and didn't mean to convey what I interpreted of them.

People, People, People!

2006-06-30T07:43:00.000-07:00

I don't know why I always think about people. Why am I not like other people?

Things were a lot different a few years back. I was not so critical about my standing with other people. But now even when I try a lot to think about material things in life I am not able to do so. It is all about people, people and people.

Be it day or night, be it my thoughts when I am awake or be it my dreams. Everything in my life now seems to be centered around people. And guess what, I used to think I have control over my thought process but now I realize that I cannot control my thoughts, no matter how hard I try to think about people, I am not able to divert my mind so it comes back to the same place where it was, 'People'.

Now, if within a span of one week two people whom I think about, suddenly ask me why I think so much and think about them, what do I tell them? I have no option other than to stay tight lipped. It is not me at this point who is controlling my thought process. How do I explain to these people that I can't stop thinking about them? When I think about them (Obviously they matter to me), I care for them which leads me to worry for them.

I might just say 'Go to hell' but these three words would probably be the most consequential ones in my life (I cannot even think about loosing them). Maybe I mean nothing to them or maybe I mean less to them than what they mean to me but still I cannot afford to loose them, not until I meet God. Obviously when I meet God they wouldn't be there since they would be in hell (probably some years after I go to heaven and meet up with God) ;o)

Complexity vs. Simplicity

2006-06-29T08:14:00.000-07:00

Technical skill is mastery of complexity, while creativity is mastery of simplicity. --Sir Erik Christopher Zeeman, Catastrophe Theory, 1977.

I am happy, really I am!

2006-06-19T07:30:00.000-07:00

"You have such a nice family, such a nice friend circle, such nice people around. Then why is it that you are always unhappy?"

I guess I never realized that is the case. I also ask myself, if things are so nice what is wrong with me. The problem lies in the fact that I try to make other people's problems mine in the quest to solve them. Sometimes things go well and I everybody is happy, but sometimes things go horribly wrong and then I blame myself for putting that person into a deeper problem.

There could be two solutions to this situation; first, I let the people alone and don't let their problems affect me. This is not possible as these people are such an integral part of my life that leaving them alone is not possible. Second, which seems more feasible is that I be more careful in my approach towards them, i.e. try to take the initiative only when I don't feel that I am intruding too much into their lives when I feel that the actions are not going to hurt them in any way.

There is a difference between being jovial or probably outwardly happy and being actually happy or happy from the inside. I guess I am actually happy from inside because I have such a nice family, such a nice friend circle, such nice people around. But I am not able to show this happiness to the outside world as other people are able to do.

Happy Birthday! Again!

2006-06-18T00:40:00.000-07:00

Of all the people I love the most in my life, two of them are Gemini's. And we celebrated Mohit's B'Day this weekend. It was an amazing two days that we spent together. Amazing in more than one way. Mohit says that if you go for a movie, it feels good if you're in good company. This is true for whatever you do in life.

We missed the movie though (I rushed from Gurgaon to Noida to watch Da Vinci Code), but we missed it. Actually we were aiming at the board which did not exist. We wanted to see the 5 o'Clock show which was actually not showing. Anyway, the spare time we had because of this was utilized for Bowling and learning Pool (again courtesy Mohit). This span of 1.5-2 hrs. was the best part of the day. I felt that I was on the seventh sky.

Then we went for the dinner which probably all the attendees would remember for some time to come. We enjoyed ourselves to the fullest.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! and thanks for the wonderful time that we spent together this weekend.

People think so highly of themselves

2006-06-14T04:07:00.000-07:00

Humans are selfish. They think really high of themselves. I don't know whether I can say the same for myself but I being human can assume inherit some of this characteristic.

I was flowing with the flow and just forgot that a person has a personal space that they require and I had just intruded one. It was because of wrong choice of words, my misunderstanding of the situation and my caring attitude towards the person. Whatever it was, I reckon that I hurt the person really deeply. Now I am feeling remorseful for that. The person may say that it didn't affect the mutual trust we have but I am still doubtful whether we would be able to share that resonance again or not. I spoilt it, I hurt the person so I got to be the person to take the onus of getting things back to normal.

No excuses to give, a sincere sorry to offer!
They say "Never ruin an apology with an excuse."
They say further "Forgiveness is the sweetest revenge."

Probably this was the first time

2006-06-13T08:47:00.000-07:00

There is a wonderful concept of classifying people as Panthers, Peacocks, Dolphins and Owls.
Even before knowing this classification, I knew that there are certain kinds of people with whom I really gel well. If I try to classify them now, using these terms, I can say that generally my friends are either Dolphins or Owls. No matter how they classify themselves as (Panthers, Peacocks, Dolphins or Owls), when they are with me they are either Dolphins or Owls. I know Saurabh may not agree to this (he thinks he's a panther) but whenever he is with Googi and me or even when he is just with me he behaves as a Dolphin.

When I meet people, I tend to judge whether they would be standing by me for long or not. This happens within a few days. But I really missed it this time around. I met a bunch of creatures here in FSS who turned it all around. Whatever I guessed went completely wrong. Using the present definitions I classified some as Dolphins, some as Owls and some as Panthers. I couldn't find any peacocks. But as time passed by, I had further interactions with these people and realized that I had gone wrong completely. Now, I found myself with all the four kinds in the same bunch. I have Dolphins, an Owl, a Panther and a Peacock. Only a few people moved to and fro from different classifications but that changed everything.

I am so disgusted myself, as to how someone could be disguised so well that I couldn't realize what they actually are. Probably this was the first time. I have some time still left in life and I think I can use this experience to be a little bit more careful in life.

Know what, I am happy today

2006-06-11T18:23:00.000-07:00

There is a difference between being jovial and being happy. I am happy for what happened during the past week. Happiness is one thing which takes time dieing out. Hope this one lasts longer than what all the previous ones in my life.

PC says, "Age is a very high price to pay for maturity." More mature you become in life, you tend to realise the importance of such times.

I am one satisfied person today

2006-06-11T08:34:00.000-07:00

Trust is one thing which comes only mutually.

By the time this week was ending I thought that it is really turning out to be bad. But look, by the time this week is actually coming to an end I have a friend with whom I have this bridge of trust. They say something like, "All's Well that ends well". It is very apt for me to say that at this point in time. I never believed in timelines for friendship to exist, this week made my belief even stronger.

I have always maintained may what come, no matter what life shows you, Life's Good!

Happy Birthday!

2006-06-03T09:34:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was Googi's B'Day. She said that the Chicken Pox screwed up her B'Day but we tried our best to make mends to whatever situation nature had created. We had half a dozen things to gift her, but in the excitement of meeting her after two long weeks, I just forgot some of them, some at home, some inside the bag, some in the car and some I just forgot to buy (I had to buy everything, from the card to the cake to the rest half a dozen things). I am really bad at choosing things for Gifts, don’t know whether she would have liked the things that I chose (I still have some of them lying with me).

Don't know whether she enjoyed or not, but I enjoyed thoroughly after all I met her after such a long period and on top of that free ka khana and then ice-cream (yummy) ;-) Add to that complimentary entertainment from Saurabh and Debashish. Again I have started talking about myself. See it's all about “I, Me and Myself”. Make no mistake, I did whatever I did for ‘Myself’ (the point is who knows what this 'Myself' means to me).

People don't have time for other people

2006-06-01T22:00:00.000-07:00

Well, I never thought this way. But I have been forced to thing this way because of the events I have been witnessing since yesterday, more so today.

There are two things that I'd like to mention here,
1) We have lot of things to do in life, so we need to prioritize things in life the way they hold importance in our lives.
2) Time is the most important thing that you can give to anybody because it is that part of your life which once gone never comes back.

Taking cue from the above two points and what I have witnessed since Yesterday, I can surely say humans are one selfish race.
People don't have time for fellow humans. People go to the extent of telling blatant lies (and these people are really expert at telling lies) to escape devoting time to fellow humans. They have time for going to the Gym, they have time for roaming and loitering here and there but they can't give their time to somebody else. They pretend whole day how close they are to that person, but when it actually comes to the moment of truth these are the people who falter.

It is really difficult to find a person who has time for you. Now I remember what Nitin use to tell me, don't call anybody a friend until you know that they really are your friends. I would not go to that extent but surely as Nitin would say "Friend in need is a Friend indeed". When the need comes, you come to know who all are your friends and who are not.

Time is one thing which is of utmost importance in life. If you can find people in life who can give you time when you need them, I think you probably have found a friend. A friend whom you would cherish for life. My last entry to that list was at FSS.

The World is Flat!

2006-05-28T00:46:00.000-07:00

Amazing! This word completely describes the book "The World Is Flat" by Thomas L. Friedman. I was recommended the book by Rahul. I was trying to find the book in all bookstores since then, but could not as the first edition was a complete sell out. Finally I bought the book this month (the new edition) and realized why there was such a hype about it. It deserves all the attention it got.

Screw these politicians

2006-05-27T05:11:00.000-07:00

Before someone deletes their blog, I thought I'll post it in my space;
This is the blog:

Reservation?: MUST READ............
This is a conversation between Shri Sitaram Yechuri (CPI) and a medico frm AIIMS on Zee News...
Medico: Sir your is bad for youth
Yechuri: which youth
Medico: Sir all of us who r on strike
Yechuri: Why r u on strike
Medico: Sir We want a non political committee to be set up which can review the effectiveness of the current reservation policy
Yechuri: Why non political…??? The institute in which u r studying was set up after a decision by the political parties and the parliament…its because of them u r studying in such a big institute
Mediko: Sir don’t you want good doctors
Yechuri: Which Doctors…a survey shows that 90% of all the doctors who leave India are frm the upper class…u call them Indians
Mediko: .....silent....but you should think about the youth
Yechuri: which youth...the one who polishes ur shoes is also a youth…the one who beg on the streets is also a youth you call ursely India...why don’t u think about them
Medico: ....silent....
Yechuri: okkk…you say “ I will not leave India, I will serve my country” then I will say “ No reservation”
Medico: ....silent...
It was a real fun watching the medico...he was stammering badly...
in between he tried to give Yechuri some gyan on the Constitution...Yechuri replied...Now u will teach us the constitution...u r now reading it..we are reading it frm years

This is my response:

Well,
Sitaram Yehcury, as I know him is very good orator, thats why he is a spokesperson. He can argue on such matters, and he is capable of that.

Know what, managers are hired to keep the engineers and doctors at the backend because the engineers/doctors generally lack the communication skills (mark my words "generally"). I am sure the medico was not prepared for the tussle with Sitaram Yechury.

Anyway this stir is still in its nascent stages and once it grows, more and more corporates and managers will come in and the campaign would be much better managed. Then probably you would be able to laugh at the Politicos (I felt pity at myself when I watched the Karan Thapar and Arjun Singh interview).

Remember Arjun Singh is not a good communication skills guy and that was evident during his interview with Karan Thapar. I am sure that time I laughed but actually it is a pity we have such people at places of importance. He could not justify any of his decisions, well I think there is no logical justification for what he is doing.

As for the last question that Yechury put in I could have surely said "I will not leave India, I will serve my country". Do you believe that he would have raised his voice against reservations alongwith me. I am sure he would never do that. Because to all these politicians all that matters is votes so after MANDAL I they are afraid of taking any stance and loose votes from any community.

I just hope that this thing doesn't turn into civil disobedience and the politicians understand the will of the people at large. At this point in its history India cannot afford a civil disobedience movement. God save India and help it remain a progressive nation. Amen!

This week is passing too slowly

2006-05-25T00:15:00.000-07:00

Each day is passing like a decade. I had expected this thing to happen when I had joined FSS. I thought that I had to somehow pass the next 1.5 years, as I would not be able to make friends of the kind I had made in Xansa. But suddenly I met these 5 people and suddenly things had changed. I enjoyed with them so much that I forgot all my earlier thoughts which said "I had to somehow pass the next 1.5 years".

Now consider this, the current week is when this thought came back to my mind. I just hope that this period doesn’t last beyond this week. People who all of a sudden have started holding relevance in my life are missing this week. There are just the three of us left; Mogli, Shivi and I. Rest of the people have not been able to come to office for one or the other reason. Googi has chicken pox (You Get Well Soon!), and as she is the binding force in the group (atleast I believe so), her missing from office has meant that not many of us show interest in meeting each other. Gravi has gone home, he deserved a vacation to his native place (since it has been a long time that he has been there). Niks has to oversee some construction work at home.

People are doing what they have to, or they are living in the situations they have been put into. But it has actually become boring for me this week. After these people got into my life, I had not expected time to be anything like what I am experiencing this week. I don't know whether I have the strength to turn it around but surely I do have the will to do so.

You break the norms when...

2006-05-23T00:10:00.000-07:00

I wrote this stuff some time back in one of my blogs,
"My mother sometimes calls me an atheist, but I know that I am not one, it is just that I have a different view of things.
Whenever I think of God, I am drawn to the verses of Kabir that we used to study in the 7th standard in school. They always taught us about the omnipresence of God. So, the outcome being that we need not go out in search of God. Pick up any mythological story; it mentions the presence of god in walls, animals, and everywhere. We believe in these stories but forget to notice this fundamental principle that these state.
Again, if God is God then he/she (the question here is not whether God is he/she or being/non-being) is omnipresent and knows everything about us, then do we really need to ask anything of God. Sure, whatever you get is a result of what you do. So, do your KARMA as they say and leave the rest to God. Deserve before you desire and surely you do get it.
I just pray for the well being of everyone around me and thank god for whatever he has given me."

But generally when somebody (who holds relevance in my life) around me is suffering, I tend to forget these things and ask of God for the wellness of theirs. Today was one such day, when somebody close to me is suffering and the first instinct when I woke up in the morning was to pray to God and ask for the wellness of that person.

Oye Googi!

2006-05-20T20:03:00.000-07:00

The last sentence that I still remember from Googi was that in a few days she would be moving to Presidency and we can come to Presidency once in a while to meet her. I cried then and am still wondering how I would cope up if she moves to Presidency.

At present I try to meet these people every morning, no matter how much work I have. I'll try to explain why I am attached to these people so much, especially to Googi. This is one of the testimonials I wrote for her (I think it was on Orkut or somewhere),

"Tanya asked me 2 months(I know her for <3 months) back how could I call someone my "Best Friend" whom I know for just 7 months(for Mohit). I feel no timelines are required. for this. She is 1 of the purest souls on earth and now I call her my "Best Friend". 1 of the things that I like about her is the frankness with which she approaches people in life. She is a person who would as they say "Talk 2 the person rather than talk about the person". After meeting her I could say that females also have brains (the combo of beauty + brains still missing ;-) ). For a change I also noticed that a female could drive so well. When she is upset with U, she sure knows how 2 throw back all that at U, she takes the way which hurts the most, the emotional way of hurting. She would say a few lines and then just stay quite. Someone told me that I should not expect much from people and lesser from female friends (as they have their limitations), but she is 1 person who has generally beaten my expectations and been there all through, most of the time. What more can I say, there are so many nice things about her which r not summable in words..."

This pretty much makes it clear what kind of feeling of friendship I share with her. And now on top of it if someone says that they are leaving or want to leave, how one would feel. That is what I felt at the moment when she said those initial sentences.

Some people may call it parasitism, whatever it maybe this is the kind of relationship I share with my friends. Since I listen to so many songs, I have one song from Nick Lachey coming to my mind, called What's left of me. It goes something like this,

Watched my life pass me by
in the rearview mirror
Pictures frozen in time
are becoming clearer
I don't wanna waste another day
Stuck in the shadow of my mistakes
yeah
'cause I want you
and I feel you
crawling underneath my skin
like a hunger
like a burning
to find the place I've never been
now I'm broken
and I'm fading
I'm half the man I thought I would be
You can have
What's left of me
I've been dying inside
Little by little
Nowhere to go
But goin' out of my mind
In endless cirlcles
runnin' from myself until
You gave me a reason for standing still
'cause I want you
and I feel you
crawling underneath my skin
like a hunger
like a burning
to find the place I've never been
now I'm broken
and I'm fading
I'm half the man I thought I would be
You can have
What's left of me
Falling faster
Barely breathing
Give me somethin' to believe in
Tell me it's not all in my head
Take what's left of this man
Make me whole once again
'cause I want you
and I feel you
crawling underneath my skin
like a hunger
like a burning
to find the place I've never been
now I'm broken
and I'm fading
I'm half the man I thought I would be
You can have
All that's left
Yeah, yeah, yeah
What's left of me
I've been dying inside you see
I'm going out of my mind
Out of my mind
I'm runnin' in circles all the time
Can you take what's left
Can you take what's left
Can you take what's left
Of me
Can you take what's left
Can you take what's left
Can you take what's left
Take what's left of me

The irony here is that a few days back she told me that I was the person who would be leaving and I tried to reassure her that "I am not going to leave anybody" and now it is happening the other way around.

I don't know why it happens with me that I meet such nice people and then we separate, leaving me thinking over the situation. Doctor has said not to think too much but I can't help if such things keep happening in life.

I am really thankful to Nikhil

2006-05-20T07:42:00.000-07:00

I am really thankful to Nikhil. He knows how to live and has unknowingly passed on a few lessons to me. I am still trying to adapt to what he has given me. I am trying to blend all the nice things I had with the ones he has provided me. Let's see if I'll be successful in this venture.

These dirty politicians have succeeded

2006-05-20T07:41:00.000-07:00

Yet again the politicians have succeeded in dividing the people of the country. But this time around they must be really happy, as they have surfaced the divide amongst the students. Students, who till now were generally not guided by caste based campaigns.

Not much can be done now. Since the divide has been created, it will take time to fill this divide and till then a feeling of distrust would surely exist amongst the students from different castes/sects.

To hell with the Politico.

Mobile Blogging seems to be cool

2006-05-19T08:00:00.000-07:00

See what all I wrote today. It is quite nice and easy to keep track of the thoughts throughout the day.

1)
I am feeling nice today.

2)
Today is the to wear black attire in protest against the divisive reservation policies of the government. The general public opinion is against reservation. The public rage is rising but it is not clear when the government would listen to the people. The people who don't in out to vote also would be realizing what mistakes they made because of which such politicians hold the reigns of power in india.

3)
People are so afraid of their real identities, that they get upset when the real self shows up.

3)
It's raining after so many days. I feel like bathing in the rain. The weather makes me feel nice.

4)
I am really thankful to nikhil. He knows how to live and has unknowingly passed on a few lessons to me. I am still trying to adapt to what he has given me. I am trying to blend all the nice things I had with the ones he has provided of. Let's see if I'll be successful in this venture.

5)
At Lunch: I don't know what happened today, Googi is also not behaving properly.
2 hours later: Things seen to have normalized. Garvit and shivi came to plot 17 15 minutes before the scheduled time. Saurabh also called up in between when he was going to the gym. Googi also seems to be happy now as she got a new team and hopefully some work. I know it is a problem for her to sit idle.

The protest march at Jantar Mantar

2006-05-19T07:53:00.000-07:00

People say that they are doing this for their country. Is that right? To some extent maybe, but first people would be looking at what interests them. If I look at the attitude that people have regarding this protest march, it's really sad. They are just going there to have fun. Most of them are not serious, and I say this after analyzing a lot of those taking part in the protest and listening to the comments they had to make. Everyone would have read the comments that some people had made on E-mails, Forums, etc.

The differentiating factor here is that the people who think that they are doing it for themselves carry the right attitude rather than the ones who think that they are doing this for the country. Again it comes to I, me and myself. If you think you are doing it for yourself, then go for it. If you think that you are doing it for the country, leave it to the managers of the country, they can handle it better then. In this case the country managers are actually working for themselves (to swell their votebanks) rather than for the country.

The irony is that the country managers were supposed to be working for the country but they are working for themselves. On the other hand the people who should be having the attitude as if they are working for themselves (that is when you have the best attitude), think that they are working for the country and hence carry forward the wrong attitude.

Sure, some people are damn serious about this thing. They are the ones carrying the campaign forward. Hats off to them.

I want to break free!

2006-05-15T23:19:00.000-07:00

Whenever you want to change yourself, for the good, there would be people who try to bog you down. Generally these are the people who have not been able to do what they went out to achieve, now they are frustated with life. They think of themselves as the ultimate geniuses and would never back off, even if it leads to their own destruction. Actually they are building a future for themselves where they are bound to find themselves alone. This is the time to build relationships and not fight.

"It happens! There will always be some people who would not understand! They will be rough, unsophisticated, always get into unneccesary arguments. All we need to do at such times is Ignore. There r people who luv u for all goods and the bads. So just Forgive and Forget!!
Keep Smiling and Keep Rocking :o)"
Thats the way to go...huh...even I think that.

"It doesn't matter to me what the people who don't matter to me think about me." - me

"The Pessimist complains about the wind, the Optimist expects it to change and the REALIST adjusts his sails" - somebody

I am feeling nice today

2006-05-11T08:03:00.000-07:00

No fatigue, no tensions. I don't know how but today I have none of these dreadful words following me. Today I am feeling really nice. PC says "One is loved because one is loved. No reason is needed for loving." Similarly I guess no reason is needed for having a nice feeling...

I was in a hopeless situation today

2006-05-11T08:02:00.000-07:00

Today Saurabh moved my phone book from the phone to sim card (probably he didn't know that everything would get spoilt). Things got spoilt and in the end I lost some 94 contacts from my phone's address book. Had it been somebody else I would have given him a tight slap, but here I was to loose in both situations, I had already lost what was lost but didn't want to have a fight with Saurabh and loose him. So I remained calm. The important thing was that I lost the contacts of all the doctors, etc. those were really important. I am still searching for the numbers, found just one till now...dekho aage kya hota hai.

We need to prioritize things in life

2006-05-11T08:01:00.000-07:00

This little brain of ours has so many thoughts everyday that comprehending each one is really difficult. We spend some 16-18 hours working/sleeping. So, everyday we have just 6-8 hours for ourselves.

This time needs to be spent in deeds which really matter to us and make a difference in the life of either us or the people who matter to us. Wasting this time at this age is stupidity. This time is never going to come back. No point spending this time in arguing over things that don't matter. No point fighting with people, this is the time to make goodwill. Maybe I sound unrealistic, even I am trying to follow this and most of the times deviate but I'll continue to strive and make full use of this time.

My phone bill is coming down...

2006-05-10T07:44:00.000-07:00

When I joined FSS, initially I was roaming with a bunch of people from NIT, Jaipur. I knew that it wasn't for me to be with these people, though very nice and caring but I wasn't feeling at home with them. I was feeling so miserable (I didn't even eat properly during the first week) that I needed the sanctity of people I had left behind. To make myself feel comfortable, I used to call up local and NLD in voluminous amounts which left my cell phone bill towering high. I still remember Anupam calling me a call center executive, since he used to see me on the phone always.

Then suddenly two weeks after I had joined FSS I met a group of people (none knew each other, the way they know now, before joining FSS) with whom I really enjoyed. They made me feel so comfortable that I started to come down on my phone calls. Now, the time I used to spend on the phone, I wanted to spend with them. We spent time together in the Gym, Cafe, Malls, park etc. Name the place and we were there. We watched movies, had ice creams, and did what not in this short span of 3 months.

Now, a stage has been reached when I am so obsessed with these people that I generally forget to call up people whom I used to call in the beginning ;-) Just kidding. I can never forget those people but the point here is that these new people have now made such an impact in my life, in such a short span time of 3 odd months, that they have their own special place.

What more, I added a new entrant into my Best Friend list.

Finally, everybody sees people in dreams. I see my family and friends. Now, including people from my yester life, I also see people from this bunch we call the We6@FSS (FSS or PKSS or whatever u like). I don’t know why, but I made such nice friends at both the places, I have been in my professional career. I don’t know why I keep making such friends and screwing my life like this ;-)

What's Left Of Me

2006-05-06T00:54:00.000-07:00

Well, this is a song by Nick Lachey. This is the first time that I thought that I'll post about a song. It has such nice lyrics that I felt duty bound (It would be so nice if people learn to share the smallest of nice things amongst themselves) to post these.

Watched my life pass me by
in the rearview mirror
Pictures frozen in time
are becoming clearer
I don't wanna waste another day
Stuck in the shadow of my mistakes
yeah

'cause I want you
and I feel you
crawling underneath my skin
like a hunger
like a burning
to find the place I've never been
now I'm broken
and I'm fading
I'm half the man I thought I would be
You can have
What's left of me

I've been dying inside
Little by little
Nowhere to go
But goin' out of my mind
In endless cirlcles
runnin' from myself until
You gave me a reason for standing still

'cause I want you
and I feel you
crawling underneath my skin
like a hunger
like a burning
to find the place I've never been
now I'm broken
and I'm fading
I'm half the man I thought I would be
You can have
What's left of me

Falling faster
Barely breathing
Give me somethin' to believe in
Tell me it's not all in my head

Take what's left of this man
Make me whole once again

'cause I want you
and I feel you
crawling underneath my skin
like a hunger
like a burning
to find the place I've never been
now I'm broken
and I'm fading
I'm half the man I thought I would be
You can have
All that's left
Yeah, yeah, yeah
What's left of me

I've been dying inside you see
I'm going out of my mind
Out of my mind
I'm runnin' in circles all the time
Can you take what's left
Can you take what's left
Can you take what's left
Of me
Can you take what's left
Can you take what's left
Can you take what's left
Take what's left of me

The great India

2006-05-06T00:51:00.000-07:00

I have never tried to prove myself a patriot (I need not prove this to anybody but myself), neither am I trying to this here. Just found some interesting facts at a forum, so decided to post them here,

India never invaded any country in her last 10000 years of history. India invented the Number System. Zero was invented by Aryabhatta.

The World's first university was established in Takshila in 700 BC. More than 10,500 students from all over the world studied more than 60 subjects. The University of Nalanda built in the 4th century CE was one of the greatest achievements of ancient India in the field of education.

Sanskrit is the mother of all the European languages. Sanskrit is the most suitable language for the computer software - a report in Forbes magazine, July 1987.

Ayurveda is the earliest school of medicine known to humans. Charaka, the father of medicine consolidated Ayurveda 2500 years ago. Today Ayurveda is fast regaining its rightful place in our civilization.

Although modern images of India often show poverty and lack of development, India was the richest country on earth until the time of British in the early 17th Century. Cristopher Columbus was attracted by her wealth.

The art of Navigation was born in the river Sindh 6000 years ago. The very word Navigation is derived from the Sanskrit word NAV Gatih. The word navy is also derived from Sanskrit `Nou'.

Bhaskaracharya calculated the time taken by the earth to orbit the sun hundreds of years before the astronomer Smart. Time taken by earth to orbit the sun: (5th century) 365.258756484 days.

The value of pi was first calculated by Budhayana, and he explained the concept of what is known as the Pythagorean Theorem. He discovered this in the 6th century long before the European mathematicians.

Algebra, trigonometry and calculus came from India. Quadratic equations were propounded by Sridharacharya in the 11th century. Largest numbers the Greeks and the Romans used were 106 digits whereas Indians used numbers as big as 1053 digits with specific names as early 5000 BCE during the Vedic period.Even today, the largest used number is Tera:1012 digits.

According to the Gemological Institute of America, up until 1896, India was the only source for diamonds to the world.

USA based IEEE proves what has been a century old suspicion in the world scientific community that the pioneer of wireless communication was Prof Jagdeesh Bose and not Marconi.

The earliest reservoir and dam for irrigation was built in Saurashtra. According to Saka King Rudradaman-I of 150 CE a beautiful lake aptly called 'Sudarshana' was constructed on the hills of Raivataka during Chandragupta Maurya's time.

Chess (Shataranja or AshtaPada) was invented in India.

Sushruta is the father of surgery. 2600 years ago he and health scientists of his time conducted complicated surgeries like cesareans, contracts, artificial legs, fractures, urinary stones and even plastic surgery and brain surgery.Usage of anesthesia was well known in ancient India. Over 125 surgical equipments were used. Deep knowledge of anatomy physiology, etiology, embryology, digestion, metabolism, genetics and immunity is also found in many texts.

When Europeans were only nomadic forest dwellers over 5000 years ago,Indians established Harappan culture in Sindhu Valley (Indus Valley Civilization)

The place value system, the decimal system was developed in India 100 BC.

"Be rational, so that you have a plot in life."

2006-04-30T02:11:00.000-07:00

What does this mean? When this thought materialized in my mind I meant that, as Rational numbers can be plotted on a number line, similarly only if we are rational towards life do we have purpose and meaning. If we behave in an irrational manner we are similar to irrational numbers i.e. as irrational numbers can't be plotted on the number line similarly irrational people cannot justify the purpose of their life.

Why is my life full of sad scenes?

2006-04-29T03:29:00.000-07:00

This is the question which some people have asked me after reading my blogs. I'd like to admit that I have not been consistent in making entries.

It is generally the case that when I am feeling low, that I find time to sit alone and retrospect things that have passed by. So, when I am feeling low the thoughts that would come first to mind would be the ones that made me feel that ways. This is the reason that my blog has mostly such kind of entries. Else if I look back at the past one year there have been more cheerful moments than the ones which made me feel low.

When I am feeling happy I relish the moment to such an extent that I don't find time and even forget writing for the blog. At that time the only thing that comes to mind is to relish and enjoy the moment (Kal ho na ho!). I take a dive into the joyous pond that is there for the offering and just forget about the rest of the worries.

Each of the phases in the past one year that has passed by has been better than the previous one. Being in one phase I just couldn't dream of going into the past phases. When I was in Xansa I couldn't think of going back to College, since I was enjoying it so much over there. Now being at FSS I can't even bear with the thought of leaving the company of the people I am with.

Trust me life has been really wonderful. As James Blunt says "You're beautiful, You're beautiful, it's true", I could say that for my life!

ICE AGE 2

2006-04-28T07:22:00.000-07:00

Where do I figure? Let me figure out, if Tanya is Sid (bugging us always, as in the movie she is also the binding force) as she says, then Saurabh is Diego and I am Manny (responsible and reliable as ever ;-) ). Garvit and Shivika fit in as Crash and Eddie. Now the problem is where do I put Nikhil, he doesn't fit in anywhere (atleast doesn't seem like Ellie). He may be considered as the squirrel running for the nut.
Just wondering when these characters would be going for an outing together next. 2nd June seems to be one day, provided that someone has time and doesn't go somewhere else.

Utter miscommunication

2006-04-27T07:47:00.000-07:00

You intentionally send a friend to the library alone so that he can study, and then leave the other one at her seat so that she can also study. The one whom you sent to the library thinks that you were enjoying with the other one and doesn't even bother to call up while spending an hour and a half at the dhaba, obviously thinking that he was left out. What the other one thought even I don't know. After all this how would one feel when after spending 3 odd hours on the visitors lounge chair alone one gets to hear taunts from the one who went to the library/dhaba.
The irony was that I went out to do something good and finally was deemed the culprit of the whole situation. Utter miscommunication of thoughts I guess. But why does it happen when I venture out to do something good?

On the issue of reservations

2006-04-24T07:02:00.000-07:00

ET has opened a debate on “Is Premji right to go against job quotas in Wipro?”

As expected most of the posts agree with him... here is someone who put his put in a very diff way… I really liked the way this person tried to put forward his point, so I decided to put the entry in my blog...

--------------------------------------------------------
I think we should have job reservations in all the fields. I completely support the PM and all the politicians for promoting this. Let's start the reservation with our cricket team. We should have 10 percent reservation for Muslims. 30 percent for OBC, SC/ST like that. Cricket rules should be modified accordingly. The boundary circle should be reduced for an SC/ST player. The four hit by an OBC player should be considered as a six and a six hit by a OBC player should be counted as 8 runs. An OBC player scoring 60 runs should be declared as a century.

We should influence ICC and make rules so that the pace bowlers like Shoaib Akhtar should not bowl fast balls to our OBC player. Bowlers should bowl maximum speed of 80 kilometer per hour to an OBC player. Any delivery above this speed should be made illegal.

Also we should have reservation in Olympics. In the 100 meters race, an OBC player should be given a gold medal if he runs 80 meters.

There can be reservation in Government jobs also. Let's recruit SC/ST and OBC pilots for aircrafts which are carrying the ministers and politicians (that can really help the country...)

Ensure that only SC/ST and OBC doctors do the operations for the ministers and other politicians. (Another way of saving the country...)

Let's be creative and think of ways and means to guide INDIA forward...
Let's show the world that INDIA is a GREAT country. Let's be proud of being an INDIAN..

May the good breed of politicians like ARJUN SINGH long live...

Oasis is finally over...

2006-04-22T21:58:00.000-07:00

After 2.5 hectic months (for God's sake I had so many other things to thing about other than work). After deliberate considerations I had made a switch to FSS. People would have gained in various ways from the Oasis program. What did I gain from it?

What did I gain? The person attending my presentation asked me the same question and I replied "I had learned three things; SDLC, Quality processes and Team Work". Now if I look back and do a serious introspection of the work that we did, each of the word that I uttered seem crap. It was competition, stabbing, etc. within the team, never from my side though since I never wanted to impress anybody on the job. That is very normal thing I feel, human nature. Humans are very consummate at this stuff.

Anyway, apart from this there are plenty of other things that I gained during this period. All my blogs are full of these. I met new people, made great friends with them, especially with some of them. Learnt further about life and its strange ways. Better I don't speak about this, I bore everybody with these talks, even my blog is full of what I learnt during the past 2.5 months.

The Graduation Ceremony was also nothing short of an adventure. We prepared for the skit and group dance, everything else happened, except these two. Finally we had two songs; one each by CP and Amit, then there was a Group Medley and a Poem by Jyoti. All of these talents surfaced from the most unexpected of corners, people who were never interested during the two months when we were constantly nagging them to prepare for the Graduation ceremony. The biggest face saver was Manu's Guitar, he played really well and provided the music for all the songs that I mentioned.

Tomorrow is a new day, I just hope that each one of the Oasis members gets great work and is satisfied with whatever they do in life.

I hurt myself today!

2006-04-18T08:07:00.000-07:00

It was just 15-30 minutes, but these ruined the whole day.

I had asked Gravi, Shivi and Mogli for Nirula's, I pleaded with them but they didn't come. I told them that if they were not coming then I was going to the BPO alone. During the walk towards the gate, I was just hoping that they would stop me or come along. I then waited for them at the visitors lounge but they didn't come there either. I know that it may sound childish but all this made me feel unwanted.

The next 15-30 minutes were as lonely like hell. There was a moment when I looked up at the sky and wondered why I was living. I was disgusted with the feeling of being alive. I went to Presidency without informing them, just wanted to be alone, nothing much to that. I felt nostalgic about the life the past two months had given me and what I witnessed during these 15-30 minutes. These 15-30 minutes made me behave in a manner like what I have not done, maybe throughout my life, I am sure it wasn't me.

What were the feelings going through my head during the 15-30 thing, well, all the wrong ones that I can think of, being unwanted, lonely, etc. I cried, listened to a few songs, I did whatever I could to calm down but nothing helped much.

I don't know what I was trying to do, I was trying to hurt them but I just forgot that in effect I was only hurting myself. These pieces of puzzle (these people who hurt me unintentionally and I tried to revert intentionally) have actually become such an integral part of my life that whatever I do/say to them, affects me more than them.

I was listening to these two songs, Hurt by Johnny Cash and "What hurts the most" by Rascal Flatts for rest of the day. I played them back to back. They really helped me let out whatever crap I had on my mind, in effect calming me down. The lyrics for Hurt go somewhat like,

I hurt myself today
to see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
the only thing that's real
the needle tears a hole
the old familiar sting
try to kill it all away
but I remember everything
what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end
and you could have it all
my empire of dirt

I will let you down
I will make you hurt

I wear this crown of thorns
upon my liar's chair
full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
beneath the stains of time
the feelings disappear
you are someone else
I am still right here

what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end
and you could have it all
my empire of dirt

I will let you down
I will make you hurt

if I could start again
a million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way

These pretty much sums up what I was going through (thinking) the day. I know that each one of them really cares for me, maybe some more than the others but surely they do, else why would they have been with me, I am no celebrity.

I disappointed myself today!

2006-04-15T09:30:00.000-07:00

Today I was waiting at this signal at a four way crossing, and this boy of around 20, came next to my car and pleaded me to buy some magazine. As always I thought that this person was trying to implore me, so I ignored this person. As that person walked by the car, I felt that the tears in his eyes were somewhat real and I had not helped a person in need. I couldn't stop thinking about this for the next hour or so, continuously.

It was a split second decision, I decided that this was another of those situations at the traffic signal, when these people try and implore you, but maybe this time I misjudged the situation.

Will these people like to see me again?

2006-04-14T19:38:00.000-07:00

It has been around two and a half months since I joined FSS, about two months since I met these new people in my life. Certain things have changed (for the good, I feel). I am not sure whether I have been able to make a place for myself in their lives, though I have a gut feeling that I have made some kind of impression, maybe they'll remember sometime during their lives.
oooO Oooo
( ) ( )
\ ( ) /
\_ ) ( _/
oooO Oooo
( ) ( )
\ ( ) /
\_ ) ( _/
Why am I introspecting this now, because with Oasis coming to an end I may not be able to spend that much time with them as I have during the past two months. Thanks to Mohit, I may see them in the Gym (if all of us synchronize and land up there simultaneously).

Last week, these people from Xansa planned a trip to Jim Corbett. They didn't go because I could not join them (they might have had other reasons too, but this was one of them, surely). I tried my level best to convince them that they should go as I have some other commitments to attend to, but they didn't. It was a sad situation but it in some way it made me feel really nice. I hope that these people (the We6) feel the same way (obviously I'd not want them to cancel trips like this because of me). I am sure that they feel much the same way or even further.

Lost purpose in life...

2006-04-08T17:44:00.000-07:00

Well almost. When I thought I had lost purpose in life, some people knowingly/unknowingly have made me realize that there is a purpose in being jovial and making other people happy.

Life is not just about money; neither is it only about doing an MBA and leading a manager’s life. After all it is not money that one's going to carry when one moves onto the next world. It is the deeds that we carry out that really matter.

They say, "Smile is a curve which keeps everything straight", so I am just trying to put things in order. Let's see how successful I turn out to be in this venture.

Reservations...

2006-04-08T05:43:00.000-07:00

I don't know from where to start. I think this provision of reservations was started with the laying down of the constitution. Initially it was for 10 years and the Parliament has the right to review it every 10 years. But there is no review of this and it gets passed every 10 years without any debate. The fact is that all the political parties cannot afford to loose their vote banks, hence are afraid of scrapping this system.

It would have been really great if the right people had been getting the benefits of this system, but the people who gain benefits from this are the ones who have already reached the point of upliftment where they should not be availing such benefits but they are the ones making full use of these. People like Ram Vilas Paswan, Laloo, etc. and a whole lot of politicians come under this category.

I am very much impressed with Narayan Murthy's comments on this system. He very rightly pointed out that a country so disparate like India requires a system of reservation but the system should be based on Economic basis rather than caste or social basis.

When the previous Government (it doesn't matter which party was in power, all of them are alike on these issues) tried to reduce the fees at the IIMs there was such a hue and cry regarding the autonomy of the IIMs at stake (since no votes were to be lost so most political parties were also in action), but this time around with the reservation being increased to 49.5%, none of the political parties are saying a word, since a lot in terms of votes is at stake.

With no political establishment opposing such a move, I think the people of the country need to take the situation into their own hands and make the political establishments realize that they have been put where they are for the welfare of the common man and not just to make decisions to mop up votes in the next elections (which probably is the case even now, the Election Commission is asleep I think, the code of conduct is in force and still such things happen). It is really a pity on the politicians of the country that they require such issues to mop up votes rather than the actual development of the community and country.

As Richard Branson says, "Screw it, let’s do it". We need to do something to show that the people of the country are not asleep. So lets "Screw it", to hell with the establishment...

Hahahaha

2006-04-06T22:45:00.000-07:00

:-)
:-)
:-)
:-)
:-)
:-)
:-)
:-)
:-)
:-)
:-)
:-)
:-)
:-)
:-)
:-)
:-)
:-)
:-)
:-)

Khatam hi nahi ho rahi, yaar kya karu...

I can't change myself but...

2006-04-02T06:22:00.000-07:00

I realized that I can't change myself but amazingly after I had delved in my mind, as to how to deal with the problems of the people around me, so that I could be happy, Garvit came up with the solution. The key lies in being jovial...yes that is true...I tried it. I tried being such and the 1 day I spent this way, I guess it really helped me and the people around me.

What is the point?

2006-04-02T05:24:00.000-07:00

I don't understand what is the point in living when the people whom you are living for don't have trust and faith in you. Maybe we need to work to gain that trust and faith, and it is this struggle that makes us live. But sometimes it is really difficult to judge when it is high time to quit, since every trough in life we associate with the moment to quit.

Today was a strange day!

2006-03-27T06:24:00.000-08:00

All of us met during the lunch today, Garvit, Saurabh, Shivika, Tanya and I. It was evident from Garvit's face that he was upset because of something. Anyways, today all of us had faces that resembled what only I generally am supposed to be carrying, all of us seemed depressed.

So, now after lunch, Shivika asks me what’s wrong with Garvit. Then in the shuttle Tanya asks me the same question. Well, I myself had no convincing explanation for the same. When it was difficult to contain myself, I called up and asked Garvit as to what the matter was. He had quite a few reasons like, didn't have a nice sleep, Tanya seems upset, etc. These summed up his upset face today.

So, what was it, all of us were depressed because we could notice that the others are upset or depressed. I don't know how to explain it but this thing really made me happy.

What is happening...

2006-03-22T06:00:00.000-08:00

I don't know what but something is missing. Everybody around me seems sad because of some or the other reason. They may not show it, but I know and I have no power in me to help them out. I may listen to them, try to calm them down but that is not the only thing they require. I don't know what to do??? I am totally confused. The people who matter the most in my life, all
of them are in tatters but I can't help out. What should I do?????? Few days back I was thinking that I had a lot of problems in life...even had a premonition of something really bad happening, but looking at people around me I realize that I still have somethings to do in life. I need to get these people out of the mess they are in, before I can be happy or leave things for good or may be leave this world...and because I cannot be happy myself until these people are not happy.

Another problem is that I myself am not that strong emotionally, I cry even while watching movies, hence these real life situations create problems of high complexity for me...I am just banking on this one -> "There is tremendous happiness in making others happy, despite our own situations." Maybe I'll get some happier moments of life myself following this path...

I'd like to thank...

2006-03-19T17:03:00.000-08:00

I am not able to figure out whats up but as I said that I have a premonition of something unwanted happening, I get a feeling to thank a few people who have been important in my life.

First of all, I'd like to thank my Family; my Father, Mother, Brother, Sister-in-law and Jayani for always being there when I needed them. These people are by my best friends. They have made me what I am today. Whatever freedom and joy that I experience today is all due to them. Then I'd like to thank all my relatives who ditched my family always when they were the most required. This made me understand life in its entirety and lend me a level of maturity that would have otherwise been missing at this age.

Next is the turn of the people who made me feel that the world is a wonderful place. After I left college I had an impression that everyone out there is after you and you had to somehow survive in this world. These people are Mohit and Sukriti (my best friends during my stint at Xansa) and Supreet. Further the last 1-2 months have continued this impression on me of the world being a wonderful place, I met these wonderful people; Garvit, Tanya, Shivika and Saurabh. It's been just 1-2 months but it feels that I have lived a lifetime with them. I had pledged that I won't make any more friends when I left Xansa, since I could not take the separation from such people easily in the stride. But these little (what should I call them, lets call them angels) angels, just appeared from somewhere and have changed my life. They have given me a sense of belonging that maybe I never experienced before.

Next are the people who stood by me during the college years; Nitin, Rahul and Anirudh. Nitin especially since he had been with me since school knew me really well. We could sense how the other person was feeling.

Before this time, I think I was too immature to realize who were the people who actually made a difference to my life. There were some like Ashish, Rajat, Anuj and Namrata who were really good friends.

This Saturday went by really well...

2006-03-19T08:17:00.000-08:00

The started on a good note with me getting up early as usual (5:30 am in this case if I remember correctly). The cool weather in the morning really gives a nice feeling and perfect start to the day. I had a meeting planned for the day with Mohit, Sukriti and Supreet. So, I'll straight away move to that (in between went to the bank, attended classes and did other stuff).

We were supposed to be meeting at Pind Balluchi for lunch at 2 in the afternoon. As usual I was at the designated place before time (20 mins before in this case) and the other people missed the appointment time by around 20 mins. The result being that I stood there in a stupid place on the Ring Road looking at the cars passing by, for around 40 minutes. Finally these people arrived and we had lunch. The food was good which made the day much better than it would have been otherwise. After lunch Supreet left, anyways she was obsessed with the Holi celebrations at her office, she didn't even speak of anything else (we met after a month or two), even after repeatedly asking her of what else was happening.

Then, the rest of us had nothing much to do, and with the sun playing the spoilsport we decided that we'll be heading to CSM, Noida. I called up Garvit but his phone was unreachable, I knew that very moment that he was at “Taste of India". I headed to the restaurant and there he was with his college gang, enjoying and relishing his past (I believe so...). I met some new people whom I had seen in pictures before that point; Swadha, Shikha, etc. and Neha and Arvind (whom I meet almost everyday at office) and 2 x Abhishek (yes, two of them), one of them was from Xansa.

Next was a small shopping session at Levis from where Mohit shopped for a pair of jeans...

Then, Mohit, Sukriti and I went for the movie “MW” (saw the movie second time, no regrets for that though, since I had great company both times, previously I watched it with Garvit on Holi day). As, time passes people leave you, so this time it was Sukriti’s turn and she left for her house (after all of us had a 15 minute walk together).

Finally, only the two of us (Mohit and I) were left and we walked the roads of Sector 18 as usual. We also bought a watch for Mohit. Meanwhile as we walked these roads, I spoke to Mohit of whatever I had on my mind and that let a lot of load of my mind.

This wasn’t the end of the day for me though. After Mohit dropped me at my place, I picked up my cousin’s (one of my cousin who has an Avenger had come to visit our place) bike. I made an excuse of getting some ice cream and then came back after a ride of around half an hour. Driving a car or riding a bike in good weather really gives me a nice feeling and it made a perfect ending for an already great day when I offloaded most of my tensions that I was carrying from so many days.

I don't want to change myself...maybe it's not possible!

2006-03-19T08:16:00.000-08:00

Well, the moment I started thinking about changing myself...I've had a real torrid time. I tried being myself, asking people their problems, trying my best to resolve them; it is so easy to be like this for me. I got satisfaction and pleasure being this way, it comes naturally to me. Trying to change myself has caused a lot of problems. I know change is necessary and generally difficult to bring about, but in my case I am thinking of being what I am rather than changing myself. It gives me feeling of completeness, being what I am at present. Trying to change myself has resulted in a sense of something missing in life.

I went back to being me on Friday and Saturday; this gave me the completeness that I felt was lacking for the past few days. I requested people in Xansa to go out for lunch; this gave me a sense of satisfaction that I would have never received even if I had been out for lunch with them. Caring for other people also comes naturally to me. So, when I ask somebody to give me a call when they reach back home and they do so, it gives me a feeling of satisfaction as well as belonging.

Trying not to be myself through the last week resulted in such a mess that even after I think I recognized the culprit of the loneliness thing it still seems to follow me though. God know what'll happen next. Just wait and watch...

Changing yourself is really difficult...

2006-03-19T02:38:00.000-08:00

When I said that I had become too Altruistic, I meant that and wanted to change the way I lived. I have been thinking over this but could not figure out ways of doing that.

A peculiar thing that I noticed since I started thinking about this is that I felt that something was missing from my life. Something which I wasn't able to figure out but felt that was really important. I explored all the avenues that I could imagine but wasn't able to figure out as to what I was missing. I told this to two people and both of them pointed out the same thing that an Astrologer would point out at this age, but I am sure it isn't that thing which I am so worried about. I don't know what to do but I feel some kind of premonition of something really bad happening. Anyways, it doesn't matter until that thing happens. I'll try to live life as usual, this is the only thing I can do other than bothering about this thing.

Is Life good or bad?

2006-03-11T02:19:00.000-08:00

"There are some things in life which money can't buy, for everything else there is MasterCard". Here the context of reference is the things that money can't buy.

This is a very subjective feeling that once formed is difficult to change. Depending on what kind of events one has witnessed, the opinion about life as a whole is formed. There would be both joyous and painful moments in life of every individual, but some would be of greater importance and depending on these, the individual judges whether Life's good or bad.

People witness incidents which touch them in various ways. Generally these feelings follow a sinuous pattern, sometimes there is a feeling of joy (the crest) and sometimes there are the lows (the troughs). Depending on the frequency of these two we develop a generic view about life in general. If the crests outnumber the troughs we feel that our life has been on the good side, whereas if the crests are outnumbered then we feel that our life has not been that good on us.

For me life has been really wonderful till now. Whenever I felt low life popped up pleasant surprises. Recently, when I decided that I needed no more close friends in life as I am not able to take the separation of friends in the stride, life again popped up such wonderful people in my life that I could not refuse life neither these wonderful people. God has made really wonderful people and sent them on earth and we keep bumping into each other now and then, it is just that we got to realize to what extent of closeness we should be taking this familiarity with the other person. Once we are able to judge people on the extent to which we should be going with them, we make our work a whole lot easier.

Sometime back maybe I did not have such an opinion about life. One change I reckon is that I have started noticing the little things in life which bring great joy. These moments I feel are of paramount importance in changing an individual's view towards life. No matter how small these may be but they go a long way in helping us realize the importance of life. So, having realized this, on the whole I can say that 'Life's Good'.

Imagine!

2006-03-11T02:13:00.000-08:00

Imagine that you have a cab to catch from office and you are in the market.

You board a bus and the driver who was to drop you at the IFFCO crossing drops you 1 km off target. Then you walk/run asking for lift all the while but no one stops. On the way you board a bus which you think is going towards Delhi and would drop you at the place you want to be. Then the bus also takes an unexpected turn and goes the other way. Again you are stranded in the middle of nowhere, and off the direction, left to walk again towards the destination. Then finally you board the right bus but it gets stuck in the jam and then again you start running since you have to catch a cab and you reckon that you would reach the bus stop before the bus by running.

Finally things turn your way and you catch a rickshaw and reach the desired destination on time. See, it is not that hard to imagine but really hard when you find yourself in such a situation. But, I can assure you that it is an experience, an experience to live by.

Have I become too Altruistic?

2006-03-09T06:10:00.000-08:00

I sometimes feel that I am an Altruist in some or the other respect. I have
been living on others terms and desires for me. Sometimes I feel that I
need to change for the good. I need to sometimes think about what I want to
do for myself. I should not become egoistic though but atleast once in a
while think about or do things that I like.

What is this intangible stuff?

2006-03-09T06:08:00.000-08:00

There are some things in life which deserve a Royale treatment, the flavor
of life can be really enjoyed if we can ascertain what these few things are
which stand apart from the rest. If we remain somnolent and miss out
identifying these little but precious moments in life, we are loosing out
on something which should hold paramount importance in life. We generally
tend to be critical about the puny stuff in life and miss out on these
happier moments. This is intangible stuff which once missed hardly comes
by your way again.

Satisfaction!

2006-03-08T07:43:00.000-08:00

When you express the truth you get an inexplicable sense of satisfaction. It doesn't really matter whether the audience is in appreciation of what you say or not but if you really believe in what you say you have your way.

The audience of such a conversation would generally have two views,
Either they agree with what is being said, this results in the icing on the cake, the cake being the satisfaction that you already have by expressing the truth.
Or they do not agree with what you say, even then you have you cake.
This makes it a win-win situation.

Expressing truth though is not always the simplest things to do, as you always fear the unknown to happen, and hence have a temptation to follow the other path. Following the path of truth requires self control, determination, courage and some more nice words put together from the oxford. Plus it is something which needs to be practiced and inculcated if you desire to enjoy that sense of true satisfaction that I do today (atleast for now).

Narrow mindedness

2006-03-06T06:45:00.000-08:00

I am sometimes unable to comprehend and understand how people think. I was pondering over the thought that why people sometimes think in such a narrow minded manner that it is not easy to judge what background they come from.
The thoughts that go through peoples mind are a result of the events they have witnessed in past and the background they come from. I never expected the youth coming from the metros to think in such a narrow minded manner.
I was really surprised to see that it doesn't really matter what background people come from, the thing that really mattered was what people had witnessed previously in their lives which affects their thought process more than anything else.

These two quotes sum up how these people with a narrow minded thought process approach things,

“The open-minded see the truth in different things: the narrow-minded see only the differences.”

“It is just as cowardly to judge an absent person as it is wicked to strike a defenseless one. Only the ignorant and narrow-minded gossip, for they speak of persons instead of things.”

Did the FM get it wrong?

2006-03-05T01:52:00.000-08:00

I am neither an economist nor an eco' student, but whatever perception I have of the tax structure that prevails in our country, I believe that this time the FM got it wrong.

All citizens of the country are made to pay taxes under the head of indirect taxes where they have to shell out service tax, sales tax, etc. for whatever service they avail or whatever purchases they make. This is irrespective of the earnings they make during the year.
On the other hand there is a hierarchical taxation structure for the income tax to be shelled out. So, the more you earn, more you have to pay under the direct taxes.
Now, if we club both of these, the lower strata of Indian society, is actually shelling out more of their income as taxes in percentage terms.

So, it is clear that increasing the indirect taxes creates an imbalance among the tax payers. The FM has done exactly that. He has proposed the increase in service tax, rather an increase in income tax would have been welcomed whereas the service tax should have been untouched/decreased. Inclusion of basic services which promote the use of modern technology like ATM supplementary service, etc. is also a discouraging sign for the country. Further the increase in excise duty on packaged software would further give a boost to the thriving piracy industry in India. This is in exact contrast to the desired steps of encouraging the use of legitimate software. Further this would affect the PC penetration rate, which is already low in India.

From a common man's perspective rest of the things have been really great in the Budget (especially the decrease in the fiscal deficit), except that it is not clear where the money coming from the education cess is going, because the education budget has not increased, since the past many years, even after the imposition of the education cess in the last year's budget.

Jet Age

2006-03-04T17:29:00.000-08:00

It has been what, some 3 weeks and a few more days to it that I met these unknown people who had joined with me at FSS. Since then it has been a roller coaster of sorts. A lifetime seems to have been constricted into these 3 odd weeks of time.

Now, I somehow feel that it has been ages that I know these people. But, if I again look back I realize that it has been just 3 weeks and I say gosh, where have these people been before and why didn't I meet them before. But I guess there is a right time for everything in life, and this was the phase of my life in which I was suppose to be meeting them. To emulate the feeling that I met these people a long time back I even clicked a few pics in sepia.

My new Life!

2006-02-22T06:12:00.000-08:00

It has been quite some time that I joined my new workplace i.e. FSS in Gurgaon. Finally I got the freedom, PC says "Freedom is not the absence of commitments, but the ability to choose and commit myself to what is best for me", and so I am talking about this freedom.When I left Xansa I thought I had made the right decision as it gave me this freedom, but the first two weeks of classroom training at FSS were like hell, not because they were bad or anything like that but because my personal life was suffering because of this decision of mine. I was not able to spend time with my friends from Xansa. Suddenly, the people withwhom I used to spend the whole day were gone like a puff of smoke. Though I could talk to them I wasn't getting the feeling to go to FSS everyday in the morning.The third week at FSS suddenly popped up a surprise package; I was in the company of a few new people. I don't know how can I call them friends in such a short span of just a week of being with them, but that’s true, this one week gave me some people I could call my own. Now that I have such nice people around me, this reflects in my attitude and outlook towards coming to office (I may not be doing much work though), I just wait for the sun to rise so that I can go to office. We are a gang of six people here, three of them are MCAs, two are MScs and I am the lone B.Tech. First for their intros,>Garvit : He is the cutest of the lot. Seems like a teddy with his round shaped body (boy he has put on a lot of weight it seems). Gives a nice smile before speaking anything, sometimes you feel that he made your day with that smile. He did his MCA from BITs Mesra's Noida campus, so has been around Delhi for quite sometime now. He is the only person in the group staying away from his family (was out buying milk the other day). Seems to be an emotionally sensitive (I could say in that respect he is similar to me, emotionally weak and has cried on many occasions because of this) person. I go with him in the same bus in the evening and sometimes we talk and every time somehow get to know new things about each other. Lives in Noida, so we are planning to go out for a movie next time I land up in Noida.>Nikhil : He is one of the most talkative people alongwith Tanya. He is trying hard to tone down on his body shape and weight. Seems to be loosing a lot of hair. Talks a lot of nonsense, but with me seems to talk sense generally. He would be the first to ditch me for sure (as I found out the other day, I went with him in his bus but he didn't even sit with me leave aside the conversations which I thought may happen). He has already moved to another building, so we are not able to spend much time together. He is a 'DUMCA' (Delhi University MCA for short). He lives in Shahadra (Oops I thought the hospital had moved).>Saurabh : He is the quietest of the lot. So, it is difficult to know much about him. Seems to be lost, but speaks just at the right moment (to the surprise of everybody) and then everybody realize that he is around. Sometimes, I feel he has a lot to say but he is himself not comfortable saying a few things. In the bus (he goes along with Garvit and me, live in NOIDA) when we are not playing anything, he sleeps and hence never gives the chance of conversing with him. He has done his MCA along with Garvit.>Shivika : She is an MSC from IIC, Delhi University. Says that she enjoyed a lot during college. I am yet to talk with her much, but the other day when Garvit, Shivika and I went to Presidency (one of the FSS buildings), we discussed a few things and since then somehow, on some issues all of us have been comfortable to a level. I say this because the first time we all met as a group these people called me 'aap' whereas I was the youngest in the group.>Tanya : She also comes from IIC. Doesn't seem like a teacher but she taught the 11th and 12th standards at DPS before joining this so called 'Dream Job' (for a variety of reasons she calls this her 'Dream Job') of hers. As I said she is one of the most talkative in the gang. Whatever she says, you can rest assured a contradictory statement is about to come. Somehow, seems to be the binding force in the gang. Since she is one of the most vociferous in the class -> few people have problems + and she being aggressive in some sense -> we have already had fights with some people in the class. She is a geminian as Mohit is. This I say because she shares this passion for Sun signs with Mohit. Further all her affection for the person in front is reflected in her physical assaults on that person. The more she is comfortable with somebody, the more hits the person got to take. Sometimes she behaves like a child and seems really cute.That’s for their profiles, but really everyone is really nice around here. I feel that the two months of my life at Xansa have been compressed into this one week. All of us are really enjoying, went for a movie the other day. Pondering over the name for the gang. Any suggestions for the same would be welcome.Now the fourth week has arrived and some work seems to be knocking on the door. I am planning to introduce these two phases of my life this weekend, lets see what happens. Something that happened today made me skeptical as to what will happen when these two phases of my life come across, just hope that all goes well because all of these people are really nice and just deserve the best nothing less (My friends are always the best, since they are mine).

Do you visit the temple after having non vegetarian food?

2006-02-20T06:58:00.000-08:00

I faced this dilemmatic question quite late one night (generally by the time I am asleep). It was thrown up by my cousin, just after I had some parshad after I had a non vegetarian dinner. I was dumb struck and bewildered by the question. The first thing that came to my mind was why not? I didn't speak up at that very moment, as I was already an atheist for certain people present over there at the moment. The only thing I told my cousin was that, it was a really nice question and I'll think over it.
Then I started an all India poll on SMS, and the responses that I received from my friends were as expected. More than 75% of them said that they would not visit the temple after having non vegetarian food. I must say that some of the replies were weird and some people openly admitted that they were atheist.
I was still thinking what I would do. The first response that I received from my inner voice was still hanging around, "why not?" I tried to reason out what’s up.
Firstly, a non vegetarian would never consider being non vegetarian as unethical (as Mohit put it). Since, it is not an unethical act that one performed, so why should one be afraid of going to the temple.
Secondly, since God is omnipresent, it doesn't matter where you have the non vegetarian food, or where you are headed after having the non vegetarian food, you'll always be in the presence of God.
Again the question was looming large, the only reasonable answer I could be put something like this, "I would not visit the temple after having non vegetarian food, only to maintain the decorum of the place." I could not reason it to anything beyond this.

Camaraderie

2006-02-20T06:57:00.001-08:00

Sometimes people take my camaraderie to be a feeling of insecurity.
I enjoy sitting with people and talking to them, sharing with them things about my life. People, who know me, tend to understand what this is all about. Sometimes, maybe I start discussing life with some people who don't understand me that well, and hence what they make out of all this is that I am insecure(there is a feeling of insecurity hanging around me) about myself.
May be there is something wrong in the way I convey things to people. First I need to identify people with whom I should not be talking about such things. Generally I try to lead a conversation but whenever there is someone other than me who is leading the conversation then I am not able to judge in what manner I need to talk to the person (This is when I meet a new acquaintance). Here I tend to go wrong and expect too much from the person whom I am talking to.
One of my friends(Nitin) says that I expect too much from people (whom I call friends, but he is not convinced sometimes that there can be too many friends one can make in a lifetime, maybe he talks about the best friend thing which someone else was also trying to explain to me the other day). According to me friends are the people from whom you should expect this, that they stand by you (and sometimes listen to your concerns) when you need them the most, and that is not asking for much I guess. This is how the bond of camaraderie would get even stronger amongst people.

Temptation

2006-02-20T06:57:00.000-08:00

What does temptation mean?
Temptation is an act that looks appealing to us. At every step in life we encounter this feeling of being tempted whenever we are indecisive about our actions. Even if there is a slight bit of hesitation in the action which we perform the other side of the coin plays the enticing part of luring us towards the so called other.
Generally the belief is that the other is the bad face of life/face of Satan, but it may not be the case and both the paths may be lead to the face of god i.e. both the decisions may be good ones, just that each one may be better in certain aspects than the other.
Most of the time in our life we have options and hence a dilemma exists which leads to this situation where temptation plays its part. Hence to eliminate this situation there can be two options, either have no options (which is not feasible and possible as it is generally not controlled by us) or have control over our minds such that it is not lured into this situation. Only the second one seems to be possible, but for this to be followed in life it is required to practice, meditate, and do what not so as to gain control over this mind of ours.

How can I forget this phase of my life

2006-02-20T06:56:00.000-08:00

This time period of around seven months has given me so much to rejoice that there is no point trying to forget this phase, it is not even possible to do so. So, even I am not trying to forget it, rather trying to rejoice every moment that is part of this memory. Some of the moments or rather things are worth not remembering, not because they have bad memories associated with them but have nothing that I can carry forward and learn, are need to be wiped from the secondary storage of mine. I have ordered a back up and format of the system and all such things should be taken care, I hope.
There have been innumerous moments that led me to think that there have been changes in my life during this time period, irreversible changes that maybe have happened for the good (We belong to high context societies, so we always believe that whatever happens, happens for the good). The people I meet now surely will not be able to make out the changes that have taken place, but the ones who have spent the past year with me would have seen a remarkable change in my life. So many changes have never been a part of my life. I always felt that change is the most difficult thing to accept in life, but when it happened to me, it happened in such a manner that I was not able to make out as to when it happened and what it had led to, until the point when I realized that things had changed drastically.
The changes that I can make out in my life range from simple things like my reading habits to my attitude towards life. There were changes as to my relationship with people around me, this was maybe because I have grown up or maybe I just came across really nice people, and now these relationships tend to be more deep and ones which I can cherish for a lifetime. I had always been ambitious (I remember when somebody asked me which will be my first car, I thought to myself that it would certainly be a Ferrari), this phase also led me to the reality of life and I learned that you may sometimes have sacrifice certain things in life to achieve your goals. Certainly this doesn't mean that I lowered my ambitions, but I set them to be realistic and set higher standards for myself to achieve.
At the core of all these changes lies the change in my reading habits. This little change led me to read more of relevant stuff, things relevant to life, things from which I could learn lessons and imbibe in my life. The varied material that I started reading has led to a change in the philosophy of life for me. Now this philosophical change has actually impacted my whole life, each and every part of it. This part, be it small and large, be it any aspect but if it is related to me has undergone a certain definite change (I hope though, that the change is for the good).
Some things that I myself have noticed include being at peace with myself, inquisitive (I had always been so but sometimes I felt that I lacked the confidence while raising certain questions, this phase gave me confidence in this aspect) and optimistic about life. I have even taken a few initiatives which sometime back I would not have had the courage to take.

Why I switched my job

2006-02-20T06:55:00.000-08:00

I am not the first one in the industry to do so. I used to everyday see and hear that people switched their job but when it came on me it was a really tough decision to make. I was well settled in one job and to leave that and start off all over again was a really tough decision to make.
My decision was primarily based on two factors,
Firstly, I noticed that the attitude of people in service oriented companies like mine is not that encouraging to innovative thinking and work.
Second, the work I was doing in Xansa was Test Automation using Rational Robot (coding in SQABasic), though great in its own respect but not that much exciting, so as to satisfy my expectations from my work.
So, I decided it was time to switch to Flextronics Software Systems (Formerly Hughes Software Systems). Today was my first day at FSS and somehow seeing the environment I felt that I have made the right decision.
Throughout the day though I felt that something was missing, I wasn't getting the feel that I should have on seeing myself at such a nice place in company with highly intellectual people from IITs, NITs, BITS and all other great places around the country. Then I realized that my worst fears were coming true. I know that I am not that strong emotionally, and the thing that was missing was the people I used to meet and talk to everyday. In the office I somehow managed to controlled myself, but by the time I reached home, some tears had definitely strolled down my face, this helped me calm down a little. Now, after talking to some of the people I am feeling better, I don't exactly remember what I talked about but just listening to their voices made me feel comfortable.

What has this thing given me?

2006-02-20T06:54:00.000-08:00

The scuffle that took place, though one sided has given me a lot of material to think about and further motivation to achieve what I am already striving to achieve. The things that were told to me are never to be forgotten, but taken in the stride and I am sure that these challenge and motivate me to do well in my life, to reach those heights that have always been the dreams of mine.

There is no grudge that I have for this person, even after what all rubbish he told me and the manner in which he told me this rubbish, he has furthermore strengthened my desire to reach one of my goals in life. Life moves in a sinuous manner, this needs to be understood by all, you have your day but even on that day of yours you need to respect what other people have to say. It always doesn't go the way you want. If you don't respect other people, when you reach the trough of life you'll be alone and so much alone that you'll never be able to again climb up to reach the crest.

I know that I am nobody at this stage in my life with whom one would negotiate but surely I have my self-respect which was somewhat shaken because of this behavior. Ayn Rand in the Fountainhead says "It's said that the worst thing one can do to a man is to kill his self-respect. But that's not true. Self-respect is something that can't be killed. The worst thing is to kill a man's pretense at it." So my self-respect has not been lost, because it wasn't me who was on the wrong side of the divide, rather it was the other person and surely when this person reaches that trough in life, he would be alone there and his pretense surely destroyed. Though I cannot advise him on this but he needs to understand this and improve soon, else it would be really late. Just hope, that he learns soon and instead of taunting people, does what he is expected to do, manage people.

I can just wish him good luck and as he said that the IT industry is so small that people often cross each others path, I hope by the time we cross each others paths he would surely need to negotiate with me be it on a matter of work or life.